I start my mornings off with a Banana Caramel Herbalife shake, quickly finishing that with about 10oz of tea and aloe and I am loving my life! For some reason I feel as if I have not lost weight. Probably because for the first week I was weighing myself obsessively; watching the water weight go up and down, up and down. I felt phycotic so I stopped weighing myself.
Speaking of psychotic
I did something a bit crazy the other day
My husband was out of town and I wanted to treat myself. Wanted to treat myself to a favored cheat meal. I scrolled the options on the Favor app over and over again, finally settling on Super China. I got a meal for one but did not finish it all, I had plans to eat the rest later but never got around to it. In the wee hours of the morning preparing my Herbalife shake before an early shift at work, a wave of crazy guilt swept through me. I felt guilty about my half eaten Chinese food; the fact that I am working so hard on a different relationship with food and the fact that we are supposed to be saving money to pay off debt/buy a home/start a family. I bought a fattening meal with money I should have saved and I didn’t even finish it. This guilt caused me to irrationally panic; I grabbed a kitchen sized trash bag from underneath our sink proceeded to fill that bag with my leftover Chinese food and threw it away at work. I wasn’t going to mention this story to my husband let alone anyone and absolutely not you. I have no idea why I would feel what I did to be necessary. My husband does not make me feel bad or guilty about my food choices or the way I choose to spend my money. It’s me, it’s all me. I for whatever reason am a very guilty person even for doing nothing at all sometimes. Anyway, while in the middle of not telling anyone of my shameful Chinese throw away my husband texts me when he returns home from out of town.
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I literally replied with
“Why are you asking me this my bae!?”
He had found Super China paraphernalia that I had frantically left behind in my sweep. When I got home from work later I told him what I had done when I panicked. He is of course concerned why I would feel guilty and hopes I wasn’t hiding the food from him. I wasn’t. I am telling you now because after I reflected on my situation, I laughed. Hard. Kind of like a crazy person laugh. Kind of like when you see a friend or loved one trip or fall or fly down a hill on a scooter. Deep belly laughter. Clearly this weightloss/healthy eating/lifestyle change will have its ups and downs, happy moments and guiltriden ones. I just want to be honest about where I am at in mine.
